Lullaby
by loveableturtle
Summary: Just give it one more try to a lullaby and turn this up on the radio. If you can hear me now, I'm reaching out to let you know that you're not alone. And if you can't tell I'm scared as hell 'cause I can't get you on the telephone. So just close your eyes...'cause honey here comes a lullaby. Your very own lullaby...Quite dark, but please read? :)


**Well, this is for my amazing friend Laura, and I'm so sorry that it's not really romance as much as a comfort/friendship thing, but I hope you like it anyway...idk, I just couldn't write in much romance without it going pear-shaped and just crappy and cliche, so i kept it as a close, close friendship with a teensy bit more...it's pretty dark but I'm proud of it and I hope you like it :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot line. **

Lullaby

_**Well, I know the feeling**_

_**Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge**_

"Selena, you have to stop pushing me away. I know how you feel, I've been through hell and back, and-"

"You think I don't know that? Look, Demi, I understand that you know how I feel. I get it. But remember how you dealt with it? You pushed _everyone _away."

"And look where it got me! I lost my job, went to rehab, and could have gone to _prison _for _assault. _I just…I don't want you to make my mistakes." Demi sighed, biting her lip nervously. Selena gasped in exasperation on the other end.

"For fuck's sake, Demi, I'm _fine. _And it's my life, and _my _mistakes." She shouted.

"I know, that's not what I meant…please, Selena, just come over. We can talk. I can help you."

"I can't. I have plans." She replied tersely. Demi rolled her eyes.

"Do these plans have anything to do with drinking yourself out of your mind and calling her at three am again to pick you up?"

"No." she snapped.

"Selena-"

"Look, if I'm such a problem to you then I guess I'll just call Taylor instead." I gasped, shocked. How could Selena say that? She knew exactly how much it hurt her when she did things with Taylor. It wasn't like she'd even _liked _Taylor at first. Their friendship had simply been for the cameras, her managers at Disney had set it all up. Demi was becoming more and more distant and she was losing fans, and Taylor was gaining them by the millions. What better way to publicise Selena more than for her to be 'besties' with Taylor Swift?

Selena and Taylor had disliked each other from the start. They were complete opposites. Where Selena liked band T-shirts, skinny jeans and dark colours, Taylor was into skirts and dresses and bright colours. They were both gorgeous girls, but in different ways. Selena was darker, more mysterious. Devilishly sexy. And Taylor was like an angel, pure and virginal. (Yet Taylor was the one sleeping with anything with a dick.)

The first time they were caught on camera together, there were hundreds of different stories about how Selena had abandoned Demi for her new BFF Taylor. Demi hadn't heard a word about the plan, and immediately assumed it was true. This only caused her to sink into a deeper depression and she just spiralled from there.

Selena had apologised profusely when Demi was finally better and ready to hear her explanation. Yet she'd kept in touch with Taylor, and every time she even mentioned the blonde girl, something would twist in Demi's stomach and it would be all that harder to not go back to her old ways.

Selena knew exactly how much it hurt Demi. Which is why, rather than reply to Selena's comment, Demi just stayed silent for a few long moments and then hung up.

Selena grimaced as she listened to the dial tone, knowing she'd gone too far. But since the incident…she just couldn't be around Demi. Demi was happy now. She was better. If she told her about what had happened…she couldn't risk it. She couldn't make Demi upset again.

She'd never felt like this before. Like…like she had nothing left. But every time she considered ending everything, she couldn't. She was out on the ledge, nobody to talk her down. But she couldn't bring herself to jump.

_**And there ain't no healing**_

_**From cutting yourself with a jagged edge**_

"Selena, wait!" Demi called after her friend. Selena glanced back, briefly considering running for it, but she didn't have the energy. She smiled weakly at Demi, but it looked more like a pained grimace and Demi saw right through it.

"Hey Demi…" she sighed.

"Selena, seriously, I can't stand this. What _happened? _Why are you so down? Why can't you talk to me?" she asked, and it almost broke Selena's heart to see the tears in her best friend's eyes. Well, it would have broken her heart. If it wasn't already smashed to pieces.

"I-" she hesitated, only just stopping herself from blurting it all out, everything. But she couldn't.

"You what?" Demi's voice was gently, soothing. The voice she'd come to rely on. Demi's voice used to make her feel warm, make her feel safe. But now…now all she could hear was the soft fragility. Demi was fragile. Unbroken, but fragile. And Selena couldn't do anything that might risk that.

"I can't talk about it. And I'm late; I have to go." She said, moving to turn away. Demi grabbed her wrist, gasping as her shirtsleeves rose up. The bright red marks, marring the pale smooth skin of Selena's forearm. The tears spilled over as Demi pulled her into a hug, not saying a work, just stroking her hair as she hugged her back and buried her head in her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry. Selena…you can't do this. I know I did it, and I'm a hypocrite, but I promise you it does _nothing _to help. It's an addiction, and it ruins you. The scars on the outside heal, but the ones on the inside will be there forever. Please, Selena, I know what you're feeling. I know what makes you do it, what makes you cut. I _understand. _And I want to help you stop."

"I know, I know you do. And I love you for it, Demi. But this is a battle I have to fight on my own."

"Selena-"

"I can't, Demi. I just…I can't." their eyes met and both girls felt their stomach's wrench in pain and worry.

"Okay…okay. I'll see you soon, yeah?" she asked. Selena nodded, but she didn't want to promise anything. She had no idea when she'd see Demi again.

_**I'm telling you that, it's never that bad**_

_**Take it from someone who's been where you're at**_

_**Laid out on the floor**_

_**And you're not sure you can take this anymore**_

Demi blinked groggily, disoriented. She rubbed her eyes and sat up, glancing at the clock.

**2:57am. **

Then she registered her ringtone, and it clicked. She grabbed her cell, not even checking caller ID as she pressed answer and brought it to her ear.

"Selena, what's wrong?" she asked, voice rising in panic. There was silence for a second, and then a wracking sob that hurt Demi's chest to listen to.

"Selena!" she cried out, suddenly wide awake. She jumped up, sliding her feet into her ratty converse and tugging on a coat.

"Demi, I…I can't do this anymore."

"Do what? Selena, stop, please. Don't do anything stupid. I'm on my way."

"No! Don't come over, Demi. I don't…I have nothing left. I don't think I can take this anymore."

"Yes, you can. You're strong, Selena. You're amazing." She slammed her door shut after her, not bothering to lock it, and running to her car.

"No, Demi, you're the strong one. You're the unbroken one. I'm just your friend. I'm weak: I'm nothing. I just want to die."

"Selena, come on. It's never that bad. I'd know; I've been there before."

"But-"

"No but's, Selena. I'm on my way over, and you better fucking be breathing when I get there, or so help me God I will kill you." She warned, trying to lighten the situation, but her voice was shaky and she couldn't hold back a sob of her own at the end. Nonetheless, Selena choked out a chuckle. It was miserable, but it was there.

"H-how far away are you?"

"Almost outside." She took the corner without slowing down, earning some glares from an elderly couple on the sidewalk. She didn't care; Selena's life could be at stake.

She listened to Selena breathing on the phone as she took the stairs at a run. She refused to hang up until she could see Selena; she couldn't risk letting her do anything stupid; it only took seconds to end your life.

"Selena!" Demi yelled as she walked in, dropping the phone. The apartment was dimly lit, and Selena seemed to be lying in a large pool of dark liquid. Heart pounding, Demi ran over.

She never felt so relived as she did in the moment when she leant down and felt that the substance wasn't blood. It was, in fact, photographs. Hundreds of them, strewn across the floor around her friend, who was lying with her head on her arm, breathing evenly. She looked almost peaceful, except for the occasional devastated whimper she let out.

"Sel, what is this?"

"I had to…I couldn't just sit here. I needed to look back, remember. Find myself a reason to live."

"And did you?"

"Turns out I didn't need to look through the photographs. She was talking to me on the phone the whole time." She whispered, almost too quiet for Demi to hear. She smiled slightly, kneeling down next to Selena and pulling the skinny girl into her arms.

"You have _everything _to live for. It might not seem like it. Trust me. Take it from someone who's been where you are."

They fell asleep on the wooden floor, their breathing in sync as they drifted into unconsciousness. For the first time in months, neither of them had nightmares.

_**So just give it one more try to a lullaby**_

_**And turn this up on the radio**_

_**If you can hear me now**_

_**I'm reaching out**_

_**To let you know that you're not alone**_

_**And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell**_

_**'Cause I can't get you on the telephone**_

_**So just close your eyes**_

_**Oh, honey here comes a lullaby**_

_**Your very own lullaby**_

_**Please let me take you**_

_**Out of the darkness and into the light**_

"Come on, Selena, let's go out."

"Where?" it hurt Demi to hear Selena's voice, so flat and tired, where it used to be full of energy and barely-concealed laughter.

"I don't know, anywhere. Away from here." She gestured around the dismal apartment. Selena had thrown out most of her personal belongings over the past few months, and what she hadn't thrown out she'd destroyed in a fit of temper. All she had left was the couch, her bed and some clothes.

"I don't know…I don't think I can face it."

"You'll be with me. Everything's okay."

"I'm not sure, Dems…maybe tomorrow?"

"Come on, Sel. Please let me help you. Let me take you out, get you out of the darkness. Get some light back into your life."

"I'm fine, though. I like the darkness. I can hide in the dark."

"Are you ever going to tell me what happened? What you're hiding from?"

"You mean _who _I'm hiding from?" she muttered bitterly, before freezing. Demi smiled smugly.

"So someone hurt you, right? Is that why you've been so down?"

"I can't tell you, Demi."

"Okay, I know. But you can let me help you, Sel. Come on, we're gonna go to the movies. Get you some popcorn. You know you love popcorn." Demi smiled, knowing that if popcorn couldn't convince her, nothing would. And sure enough, Selena nodded, albeit a little reluctantly.

"Okay then. Let me grab my jacket."

"I'll come with you."

"Demi, I can go get my jacket. I'm not going to be able to slit my wrists in the time it takes me to get to the bedroom and back here."

"Okay, but if you're not back in thirty seconds, I'm calling an ambulance. And Jeremy Kyle."

Selena snorted.

"I hate Jeremy Kyle."

"I know. He would annoy you so much you'd come back to life just to tell him to fuck off."

Demi hadn't heard such a genuine laugh from her best friend for months. Still, she couldn't help her heartbeat speeding up with every second Selena was out of her sight.

_**'Cause I have faith in you**_

_**That you're gonna make it through another night**_

"Demi, can you come over, please? I need you. I can't…I can't do this. Not on my own. I'm scared…"

"On my way. What're you scared of?" Demi asked, already halfway out the door, one shoe on, the other dangling from her mouth by the lace as she jogged over to her car.

"Myself." Selena breathed. Demi dropped the shoe into the passenger seat and jumped in, sliding her keys into the ignition and starting the car, pulling out of the drive and breaking every law in the book as she raced over to her best friend's house.

"C'mon Selena, I believe in you. You can do it, you can make it through tonight. Just like you've made it through every night before tonight."

"I don't know how you did it on your own, Demi. I abandoned you when you needed me the most…"

"No, Selena, stop. It wasn't you, it was your managers and me. Not your fault. Never your fault. I was pushing you away, and they made you spend time with Taylor. Then I pushed you away even more, since I was stupid enough to believe you were actually abandoning me…don't blame yourself. I don't."

"But you were still on your own-"

"That was my own doing. I wouldn't let anybody be there for me. I wasn't strong; I was just good at hiding everything."

"Are you-"

"Here." She said from the doorway as she hung up. This time Selena was on the couch, and actually managed a weak smile despite the wetness of her cheeks and the small scarlet marks on her hands where she'd fisted her hands so tight she'd drawn blood.

"Hey Demi."

"Hey Selena."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

_**Stop thinking about the easy way out**_

_**There's no need to go and blow the candle out**_

_**Because you're not done**_

_**You're far too young**_

_**And the best is yet to come**_

"Fuck, Demi, I don't know what to do. I try not to, I try so hard, but all I can think about is how easy it would be to just end it all. Every day I see some new article, an even more ridiculous tale of why I'm hiding away, and it seems every day I lose more fans, more people hate me. I don't get it, Demi; I've never met these people, and they call me a slut, a whore, a bitch? What did I ever do to them?" she was sobbing so hard she was choking on her own words. Demi glanced upwards in despair, wishing she could be sitting with her best friend rather than trapped in this damn dressing room, waiting to go out there and listen to yet another tone-deaf moron murder one of her favourite songs.

"I'm so sorry, Sel, I wish I could be there. I could sneak out, I guess. Simon would be angry, but I'm sure he'd understand…"

"No, don't you dare. We both know he'd kick you off, and you've wanted something like this for years now. The X Factor is where you belong."

"No, I belong with you. With my best friend. Holding her while she cries herself out and helping her to stop thinking about killing herself."

"I'll be fine, it's just…I miss you. I already feel better, hearing your voice."

"Okay, well I'll be home in a week. But until then, just be strong, okay? Skyscraper, Selena."

"You're the Skyscraper, Demi."

"We're both skyscrapers. Stop thinking about the easy way out, Sel. You're not a coward. You're a strong, beautiful young woman. You shouldn't have to feel like this. I shouldn't have had to feel like I did. You're too young; we're too young to have been through what we have. But it's happened, and we can't change that. All we can do is fight it, fight it all. Burn brighter than anyone ever has before; there's no need to blow the candle out."

"Thank you, Demi."

"Don't thank me. It's no problem."

"Demi, I think…I think I want to tell you what happened." She whispered. Demi's breath hitched; she had no idea what it was, but she knew it was big, and she knew how hard it would be for Selena to tell her.

"Okay, I'm listening."

"Promise you won't judge?"

"Prom-" she was interrupted by Simon's assistant running into her dressing room, shouting that she had to be onstage in thirty seconds. Demi told her to fuck off, but Selena had already hung up. Sighing, Demi left the room, glaring daggers at the straggly-haired woman and hoping to God that Selena wouldn't change her mind.

_**So just give it one more try to a lullaby**_

_**And turn this up on the radio**_

_**If you can hear me now**_

_**I'm reaching out**_

_**To let you know that you're not alone**_

_**And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell**_

_**'Cause I can't get you on the telephone**_

_**So just close your eyes**_

_**Oh, honey here comes a lullaby**_

_**Your very own lullaby**_

_**Well, everybody's hit the bottom**_

_**Everybody's been forgotten**_

_**When everybody's tired of being alone**_

When Demi got back to Selena's, she was in bed. There was blood on her sheets, but not a dangerous amount. Just enough to set alarm bells off, and Demi yanked the sheets off her friend, gasping and stumbling backwards. Selena was lying on her back, wearing just her short pyjama bottoms and a bra. She sat up in bed, blinking in surprise, but Demi was paralysed.

"Selena, how…why?" she choked out, staring at her abdomen. Selena looked down at herself, and then blinked, almost as if she were surprised to see the angry red cuts, some still bleeding, across her stomach. What hurt Demi the most was the fact that they weren't just random cuts; they spelled out a word.

**WORTHLESS**

Selena looked up at Demi apologetically, but Demi just stared at her disbelievingly.

"Demi, please speak to me! I'm so sorry, it was stupid of me…"

"Don't you dare apologise. I'm the one who should be apologising." She finally snapped out of it, moving swiftly to climb onto the bed and pull Selena close to herself. They were both crying, holding each other like their lives depended on it.

"I'm so sorry, Sel."

"No, I am. I mean, I shouldn't have done it. I was just…I was tired of being alone. And I didn't want to call you because I know it hurts you, knowing you can't be here for me, and I just…I felt so worthless. I've never felt like that, Selena. I just felt so empty. Like I had nothing, like I was completely truly alone. And I read…I was reading a magazine. I've read a different magazine every day for the past seven months, since I dropped out of the spotlight. And yesterday…yesterday was the first time there's been no mention of me. Not at all…there was nothing. Like…like everyone's forgotten me."

"Oh, Sel, nobody's forgotten you. But it's been seen months…this was just a one-off. I promise, everyone knows who you are. Nobody could ever forget you."

"Isn't this weird? Like, a year ago, I'd be crying to you about how much I hated being in the media, hated people writing about me, judging me. Now I'm crying because they're _not._"

"Things sure have changed, haven't they?"

"Yeah. For the worse…"

"Don't worry. Things will get better. I can't promise much, but I can promise that. You're not alone; you'll always have me."

_**Yeah, everybody's been abandoned**_

_**And left a little empty handed**_

_**So if you're out there barely hanging on...**_

Demi rubbed circles on Selena's back as she fell asleep. Once the older girl was snoring, Demi gently climbed out of the bed and grabbed her phone to call Simon.

"Demi, my favourite little diva. What's up? Missing me already?"

"I'm so sorry, Simon. I hate to let you down, but…someone I love needs me. I have to be here for her. If I'm not…I just can't. I'm sorry, I can't come back."

"Demi, stop. I hope you realise that if you're not back in LA with us next week, that's it. There are no second chances, not in show business." He said, voice hard. There was nothing of the sweet, kind father-figure he had been to her so far. The realisation that it was all just an act made it that much easier for her to say;

"Simon, stop," she started, mocking him, "I hope you realise that _I'm already famous. _I don't need you." And then she hung up.

"Demi…who was that?" Selena asked, lifting her head and blinking groggily. Demi smiled, getting back onto the bed beside Selena and pulling the covers up with her.

"That was Simon."

"Oh. I almost forgot you were leaving me-leaving again in a week." She yawned. Demi smiled, kissing her forehead.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes, you are. Demi, we've talked about this-"

"It's too late, Sel. I just quit."

"You what?!" she shouted, voice hoarse with sleepiness. Demi rubbed her shoulder.

"I quit."

"But you can't! Demi, this was your chance! You can't do this for me!"

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe it hurts me to be away from you as much as it hurts you to be away from me?" she asked, amused. Selena looked taken aback.

"Well, erm…no."

"Well, dopey, it does. I quit because I hated it. I was miserable, constantly worrying about you. You know, this one guy, he sang Give Your Heart a Break and he was shit…"

"And?"

"And I told him that it was the most heart-wrenching, beautiful renditions of My Heart Will Go On I had ever heard."

Demi had almost forgotten what it sounded like when Selena really, truly laughed.

It was then that Selena told her what happened.

"It was Justin. He…he told me he would wait for me. I didn't want to have sex with him yet, I just wasn't ready. We stayed together for so long, and he was always so sweet, and caring, and at the same time sexy and an amazing kisser. I thought he was perfect, and I was kinda considering maybe…sleeping with him. I knew I loved him, and I thought he loved me too. I was ready."

"And then…?" Demi asked, already feeling a searing, almost unbearable hatred for Justin fucking Bieber.

"I caught him screwing Taylor."

"I always hated that bitch."

"Yeah, I know."

"Wait, if that's why…why did you say that about calling Taylor instead of me that time?" Demi asked, knowing that Selena would know exactly what she was talking about. It wasn't the kind of thing she'd forget. Selena sighed.

"I said that to hurt you. I regretted it even before I said it, but…I had to push you away. I thought…I thought that if you saw me like that, hurting so much, it might se tyou off again. And I couldn't do that to you."

"Oh Selena…you must have felt so alone."

"I did. When you hung up the phone that day, I felt completely abandoned. And the worst thing? I knew it was completely _my fault."_

"Well none of that matters anymore, right? You're fine now. You have me. You'll never have to feel like that again."

"I still feel like I'm barely hanging on, Demi. I think if you left me now…I think I'd fall. I'd have nothing left."

"You'll get through it. You might not feel like it right now, but you're a Skyscraper just like me."

_**Just give it one more try to a lullaby**_

_**And turn this up on the radio**_

_**If you can hear me now**_

_**I'm reaching out**_

_**To let you know that you're not alone**_

_**And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell**_

_**'Cause I can't get you on the telephone**_

_**So just close your eyes**_

_**Oh, honey here comes a lullaby**_

_**Your very own lullaby**_

_**Oh, honey here comes a lullaby**_

_**Your very own lullaby **_

They both knew it would be hard. And it would take time. But as long as they were together, things would be okay.

"Demi?"

"Yeah?"

"Sing me a lullaby?"

Demi kissed her instead. And Selena kissed her back, because Demetria Devonne Lovato was everything she had. Everything she needed. The love of her life.

And she was her reason to live, after all.

**Review? :)**


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